"It is impossible to feel grateful and depressed in the same moment." -- Naomi Williams
I don't know which Naomi Williams in the wide world and history is responsible for this quote, but I'm glad she immortalized the sentiment. Sometimes the best way out of a pity party (How ever much you may deserve that party -- 'cause, let's be honest, sometimes, you really, really do: Grieving is healthy, folks.) is to stop and be actively grateful.
“I have learned that some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet are those who have suffered a traumatic event or loss. I admire them for their strength, but most especially for their life gratitude -- a gift often taken for granted by the average person in society.” -- Sasha Azevedo (Sorry, I didn't even try to find out who Sasha Azevedo is, but I hope this means she'd think I'm a pretty nice person. --Edit: Turns out, she's an actress, not even credited in
Dear John
)
Just before my senior year of college, my father passed away. (My grandmother had passed away rather expectedly my first semester, then a 28-year-old cousin and an middle-aged uncle both rather unexpectedly, but it was my father's death that was the real walloper.) I really wasn't sure how to get through it. How does the world keep on turning after such a loss? It's been 10 years. I'm still not over it. I still grieve. But I am grateful for the loss, because (as cliche as it is) it taught me to appreciate life. Before his death, I'm not sure I really knew what gratitude was. Now my life is rich with it. I am truly grateful for each year I survive, truly grateful for little things like a bite of good chocolate or sun on my face. I stop and smell the roses -- literally.
His loss also taught me to be grateful for the people around me. Such a simple thing, going to a funeral, but I am still astoundingly grateful for the friends (some of whom had never met my father) who came to the funeral just to be there for me; the strangers who told me things I had never known and who seemed to love me, want to help and comfort me, simply because they had loved my father; and for the surprising people that you'd never expect who are just really there for you when you need them. And obviously, it taught me to appreciate the time I have with those I care about.
I'm feeling quotalicious, so one more:
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." -- Melody Beattie (Melody, I discovered, was abused, kidnapped, an addict, etc., then she had an epiphany, cleaned up and became an author/journalist/teleplay writer. She's all about codependency, self-help, meditation, and that sort of stuff:
Codependent No More
; Journey to the Heart: Daily Meditations on the Path to Freeing Your Soul
;
Choices: Taking Control of Your Life and Making It Matter;
The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change
;
Stop Being Mean to Yourself
.)
I feel blessed to have learned this lesson when I did, because simple gratitude is like magic. An honest and sincere thank you is always a ray of sunshine. For the recipient, it can warm the heart with happiness and pride and inspire more altruism. But for the one feeling it, gratitude can provide light in the darkest times; warmth on the loneliest nights; and the energy to push through the dirt, make nutrition from decay, and grow.
Growing as a person is one of my things. And so, I have to admit:
I have often been filled with immense gratitude and been too shy to express it. Bought gifts and never delivered them. Written letters and never mailed them. These are some of my biggest regrets. (And I'm going to work on doing better.)
So [since I spent Thanksgiving alone and mostly crying on my couch (for fairly stupid reasons, I must say), today, I'm starting this blog, and I'd like to issue a blanket (yet sincere) statement] Thank You. (Even to those of you I don't know. Sometimes the simplest joy comes from witnessing a complete stranger's act of joy, kindness, or humanity. And even if you haven't been one of those strangers who has made my day, I'm sure at some point, you've made someone's without knowing it, and that makes me happy.)
Thank you for the smile, the hug, the thought, the listening ear, the pat on the back, the shoulder to lean on, the honest advice, the food, the drink, the laugh, the piece of your mind, the silence, the music, the dance, the magical moment of time…
Thank you for every nugget that has made mine a very rich life.
Some books on gratitude:
? Come on, you know you want to make one right now. Strip the pillows off the couch, push some furniture around, grab some sheets and blankets, grab a loved one or six, build and build, and then curl up inside and enjoy the coziness. Read a book, watch a movie on a laptop or mini TV, or play pretend. 
squeeze machine -- building a fort can be like building ourselves a great big, private hug. 
(who was a 
), was in a car accident, she didn't have long to say goodbye, and then she had a tough decision to make, one that Chris had never made while he was alive, and one that she had to make quickly: whether to allow Chris's organs to be used to try to help others whose lives still hung in the balance.
